In the realm of kink and bondage, BDSM collars hold significant value as a visual representation of submission and ownership. While some individuals may wear bondage collars solely as a playful accessory during a scene, for many kinksters, donning a BDSM collar carries a more profound meaning, symbolizing a profound commitment between Dominant and submissive, Owner and slave, Top and bottom. Some even partake in collaring ceremonies, joyous occasions that publicly or privately commemorate the commitment between Dom and sub, resembling the traditional wedding rituals of marriage and the exchange of wedding rings.
Defining BDSM Collars
BDSM collars, also referred to as bondage collars, come in various materials, including traditional leather, faux leather, neoprene, or polished metal.
Worn as neckbands, these collars serve as powerful symbols of submission, whether during a specific play session or as part of a longer-term commitment within a 24/7 lifestyle Dominant/submissive relationship.
A multitude of collars incorporate D or O-rings, allowing for the attachment of bondage accessories like leading leashes, chains for nipple clamps, or ropes for body harnesses.
The Symbolism Encased in Bondage Collars
The realm of BDSM collars holds profound connotations of submission, but the extent of this meaning varies based on individual dynamics within the D/s scene.
In the intricate world of BDSM, the symbolism of a collar isn't universally defined. While some submissives and slaves find it inseparable from their submission, feeling vulnerable and adrift without it snug around their neck, others perceive it as a mere accessory for specific play scenes, where submission may not necessarily hinge on a physical item but may flourish during power exchange sessions.
Yet, for those who choose to wear a collar consistently, a few common facets of its symbolism emerge. It serves as a testament to the profound commitment within a devoted D/s relationship and also stands as a tangible declaration of the wearer's submissive identity.
Much like wearing an engagement ring or wedding band in a conventional romantic relationship, accepting the collar from a Dominant partner, donning it continuously, and experiencing an amplified connection through it all echoes a similar emotional significance.
The Meaning Behind Being 'Collared'
Being 'collared' within the realm of BDSM denotes being owned or dominated by another person, embracing the consensual essence of these terms. Yet, not everyone chooses to engage in formal collaring or to become officially collared, as the diverse nature of BDSM allows for various expressions.
Collaring, within a Dominant and submissive dynamic, manifests as a symbol of profound commitment, tailored to the unique bond and relationship shared by the individuals involved. Some opt for formal collaring ceremonies (which we will delve into later), while others find joy in selecting the perfect collar online. Additionally, some reserve a special collar for play sessions, wearing it solely during those moments.
As with any aspect of BDSM, open and honest communication between Dominant and submissive remains paramount. This communication should flow both ways—ensuring the submissive can candidly express their needs and desires regarding collaring and other matters, just as the Dominant does. Whether you occupy the Dominant or submissive role in your relationship, you might wonder how to broach the topic of collaring. It could be as simple as the submissive asking, "Will you collar me?" or expressing a deep desire to wear a specific and meaningful collar throughout their sessions or even continuously throughout their life.
Unveiling the Collaring Ritual
As previously mentioned, collaring ceremonies serve as the BDSM equivalent of traditional weddings. These events can either be a public display of the power exchange between two individuals within the kink community, witnessed by many guests, or an intimate affair exclusively for the two participants. In the case of online-only relationships, collaring ceremonies may occur through phone calls, video calls, or even typed exchanges over messaging platforms.
Regardless of the type of collaring ceremony chosen for your Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship, it should be treated with utmost seriousness, symbolizing the unique commitment and bond shared between both parties. Within the BDSM scene, the significance of a collaring ceremony rivals that of a vanilla wedding in mainstream life.
You might wonder about the officiant for a collaring ceremony, similar to how a registrar or religious minister typically conducts a vanilla wedding. Just as celebrants lead traditional weddings, they can also preside over BDSM collaring ceremonies. While collaring ceremonies may lack legal recognition, it in no way diminishes their importance to the Dominant, submissive, and all present. The choice of who leads the ceremony can be left to the Dominant or involve a friend from the BDSM community—it's entirely at their discretion.
A typical collaring ceremony can follow a structure akin to a traditional wedding if that's what the participants desire. Vows may be exchanged between the couple, with close friends serving as witnesses whose signatures are added to written contracts signed by both Dominant and submissive during the ceremony. In lieu of exchanging rings, the pivotal moment involves placing the collar around the submissive's neck—a profound declaration of ownership and submission.
When the collar adorns the submissive's neck, emotions surge, creating an intensely meaningful atmosphere for all present. The ceremony reignites the deep sense of dedication between Dom and sub, evoking happiness and positivity. Such moments can be so moving that guests and participants alike might find themselves brought to tears, so keeping tissues handy is advisable!
Summary
In many D/s relationships with power exchange at their core, the collar is an incredibly important item. It makes sense to take your time thinking about what purpose wearing a collar will serve in your particular relationship, when the collar will be worn, what sort of collar this will be and if you will have a collaring ceremony – and what style of ceremony is right for you.
Keep talking to your partner. It is impossible for them to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling, and what you desire, unless you verbalise it. Over time, and with research and open communication, you’ll be in a position to make the right shared decisions for both Dominant and submissive with regards to the important symbolism & wearing of BDSM collars in your daily, kinky life.